Accountant Jokes Here's a sample of our favorite accountant jokes, as well as IRS jokes and jokes about taxes:. When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realizes that he doesn't have the charisma to become an undertaker.
How can you tell when an accountant is extroverted? He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. If an accountant's wife can't get to sleep, what does she do? Leans over to her husband and says "Tell me about work today, honey. And finally: A lady goes to see her doctor with some very worrisome symptoms. After examining her, he says, "I'm terribly sorry to tell you this, but you only havesix months to live. The doctor says, "I advise you to marry a CPA.
But, in our defense, accountants aren't really boring people. We just get excited over boring things. The clerk walks into the boss's office and says, "The auditors have just left, sir. A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two? His answer was, "Twenty-two". The second was a social worker.
She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?
Our own pearly gates story: An accountant dies and goes to heaven no, that's not the joke. His employees Why do accountants and bookkeepers like Armalite rifles? Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities. As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind. Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
All of them board the train. The accounta A businessman is called up for an IRS audit…. A businessman is called up for an IRS audit. It will convince the IRS that you are not hiding anything. He is told An accountant found guilty of embezzlement was thrown into a cell with a large, hairy intimidating man The small accountant had heard stories about how he was going to become the victim in this rough prison to which he had been sentenced.
He looked up at the very hairy, sweaty, cell mate and slightly trembled. The accountant was slightly heartened when the hulking man before him asked, "So, do In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits.
So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account titled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance.
Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice and declared a new law What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again.
If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Gus the Accountant Gus has been doing accountancy for like 35 years and he's sick of it. So Gus decides he wants some adventure in his life, so he's going to become a prospector. Everyday he studies geology, he learns how to drive a big truck and operate an excavator and he starts selling up everything h An east coast accountant decides to go hunting for the first time out west.
He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure. The "green" Hunter suddenly has to take a shit and says to his guide"Man,I really have to use the restroom. Where is it? Were in the middle of Wyoming and your asking where the restroom i In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.
Italian mafia boss hired a deaf accountant, Guido, and after a while he found out his accountant stole 10 million from him. He goes to pay Guido a visit with his lawyer that knew sign language and to get him to talk where he hid the money. He tells the lawyer to translate, "Ask him where the money is! Old accountants never die. They just lose their balance.
An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. A lawyer, an engineer and an accountant are applying for a job at the job interview, they each get asked the same simple question, and are told to justify their answer.
The question is, "what is two plus two? A lawyer, an accountant, and an actuary are arguing over whether it is better to have a married spouse or an unmarried lover. The accountant says a spouse because you can get a tax deduction with a spouse. A boy is given the math problem The boy is instructed to go home and find out the answer. On his way home he encounters an accountant. The boy asks the accountant. Three Accountants and Three Engineers [long] Three accountants and three engineers were boarding a train.
The three accountants each bought a ticket, and then noticed confusedly that the engineers only had one ticket between the three of them. A father has three sons. One is an accountant, one is an engineer and the other is a lawyer The father asks each of his three sons the same question, "what does two plus two equal? Two Accountants One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street.
Instead of using dated definition of income, use the proposed revised definition under section B in which conforming amendments are made to regulations affecting ordinary trusts, pooled income funds, charitable remainder trusts, trusts that qualify for the gift and estate tax marital deduction, and trusts that are exempt from generation-skipping transfer taxes — that always puts a smile on my face. Audit yourself, if you know what I mean. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their processes.
You refer to the tomatoes in your garden as deliverables. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for living. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week. You wear gray to work instead of navy blue to make a bold fashion statement.
You know the people at the airport and hotel better than your next door neighbors. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.
The driver is often hurt, but the car itself receives no permanent damage. Each new model would be bigger that the previous one, require more gas, and would operate differently. Furthermore, parts from the old car would not be interchangeable with the new car. The phone would be staffed by people who know less about your car than you do. However, it would only run on 5 percent of the roads and require different driving skills. No matter how many time you refused help, it would keep appearing.
However, after repeating the trip you always end up at a different location. A man was walking along a beach when he found a lamp. Because I am so powerful, I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. They are always going to be fighting.
I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits. I wonder if you could teach them this VBA thing. The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
Can I have a volunteer? Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. One more chance. What is 2 plus 2? A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers that he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man on the ground. Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
0コメント